The Last Time we make the Left Turn in to the Hospital????

Today is my beautiful baby boy Adam’s 6 month birthday. I can scarcely believe that 6 whole months have passed, and I look at his long little body and feel like he grew this big just overnight. He is still only nursing for now, and come Tuesday, when I get the thumbs up from his pediatrician…he will be starting solids. This makes me feel a teeny bit relieved but mostly sad. Sad that this may be the last baby that is only supported by me and my body, and not food of the outside world. Sad that my baby will not only be relying on me and me alone. Totally selfish, I know, but I have a right to it. He may be my last baby after all!!

When Adam was born on July 9th of this year, he was a teeny bit of a surprise. (his arrival, not his conception) He was 11 days early. It was a hot summer morning, I had just opened my eyes and the kids had both run into the bedroom to say good morning. As I snuggled with my daughter, Samantha, at 7:30 A.M. -my water broke! I knew what it was instantly, as it had happened when I went into labor with Samantha as well. So exciting!! I yelled across the house: “Ed!! My water broke!!!” (He was in the kitchen making breakfast) He thought I was just kidding, and then once he finally believed me, was ecstatic. And the kids were thrilled they’d finally get to meet the new baby too. So, I call my Doctor, she let me know to leisurely make my way to the hospital, and we got the kids ready for school.

Took the kids to school, (Ed is driving, of course) and realized that I would not be eating anytime soon if I was headed to the hospital…so we made a pit stop at Jamba Juice. (still having contractions, all the while, and wrapped in a beach towel) Realized I forgot my purse at home, stopped BACK at home, and then, finally….headed to the hospital (it was 10:15am by this point). I'd been through this routine before, so I wasn't in a tremendous rush to get to the hospital- the contractions weren't that bad yet, and I was enjoying the morning with Ed and the kids.

So- we’re sitting at the light on Ygnacio Valley Road, the road that turns into the hospital, waiting to make a left-hand turn…and Ed looks at me and says: “Do you realize that this might be the last time we make this left-hand turn?”

I don’t think any statement has ever made me cry so instantly. I burst into tears (hello! I was already emotional!) and was both excited and saddened by the thought.

He then backtracked and said “Maybe not! Maybe not!” But I knew that it could be the truth, and it made me really, really sad to think that it might be the last time we make that INCREDIBLY exciting left-hand turn into John Muir Hospital, anxiously and excitedly awaiting the arrival of our new baby, not knowing whether it was a girl or a boy (we didn’t know any of the 3 times). Knowing that once we turn into the hospital and check in, our lives will never be the same again. Nothing in life beats that surprise, and nothing in life can compare to the instant flood of love/emotion/happiness that comes with the very moment your baby is born and the 2-3 days you spend bonding and getting to know your new incredible baby all by yourself with your husband. So that…is part of the reason that I was so emotional. (Aside from the fact that I was in labor, just a tad hormonal.)

I also just always thought I would have 4 kids. Coming from 5, with all the chaos and insanity and fun and games, I assumed I would have my own large brood as well. Three, to me, just felt, well, not as big as what I had expected to have.

After we brought Adam home, and I realized what the reality of having 3 kids was like, it was not so far-fetched to think that 3 might be good. That to spread my attention between 3 kids was just enough. That one more might be too chaotic. It was constant craziness that 1st month we brought Adam home, with Samantha and Sacha clamoring for our attention every waking moment. They doted on the baby and looked forward to seeing his eyes open and talking to him. Seeing them all together made me so happy that I’d had a 3rd, but also made me think that dividing the attention with another one might be a little tricky. The case for the 4th is not closed yet- I would LOOOOOve a sister for Samantha...and we just may have another one, we may adopt one, we may stay where we are and be super happy with our 3. We’re just kinda playing it by ear.

But right now, tonight---I look at my darling, beautiful, mellow, good-natured brown-eyed Adam and enjoy every second that I have with him- whether or not he is my last baby. I baked a cake for his 6 month birthday tonight, Samantha and Sacha could barely wait for it to be finished, they were turning on the oven light every chance they got. And when I see them come back from the oven and do a little dance and shake Adam’s hands, and sing Happy Birthday to him, I am so happy.


Addy and his Daddy :)