Shopping With Kids.

It’s a bit of an oxymoron- much like: quiet storm.
It’s been a while since I went shopping (clothes shopping) with all three kids. Ever since Gap Kids, my mainstay for kids clothes, closed downtown, I’ve been either ordering clothes online or doing quick stops at Janie & Jack or Old Navy. Every couple of months I’ll make my way to Stoneridge (25 minutes away) when I desperately need to do a serious shopping trip. I try to go alone, but that rarely is possible, and when I bring the kids, it turns into quite the excursion.

This morning, we all took Ed to the airport. He doesn’t take business trips all that often, so we went off to bid him farewell. The trip to the airport, in and of itself, was an adventure. Going to Oakland, in pouring rain, at 8:30am, with 2 kids that wanted the same toy, of which there was only one. Throw in finding ONE lollipop in the car and trying to have them share that, and the fact that this one toy was one that is like a flag that you throw and hit people with (Ed and I were getting pelted) and it made for a looong trip to the airport. By the time we got there, I figured, they’d already been in the car for over an hour, no school today, and it’s pouring rain- what the hey- let’s go ahead and do another little road trip- to the Stoneridge Mall!

Now, I should mention that I hadn’t dressed Samantha (nearly 5) up this morning- she is a late sleeper, so she woke up, we put a piece of toast in her hand, and put her in the car, footed PJs and all. I wasn’t expecting to go anywhere else, so I had no change of clothes. I hesitated for a minute to take her to a mall, in pajamas, being 5 years old and all, complete with bedhead. It’s not like that’s the norm for me- I normally dress them myself picking their outfits, matching, ironing what needs to be ironed, hair perfectly brushed, braided, detangling spray combed all the way through to have nice, smooth locks on them all. But rare is the morning that I get a chance to get over to BabyGap, and with the rain and all, what the heck- how many people were going to be at the mall to see us anyhow, right? I figured she could stay in the stroller, and maybe sitting down people wouldn’t know how old she was (Oh your baby is so cute! She’s only 2! She is REALLY tall.)

I have a little amnesia of how bad the ride from the airport to Stoneridge was, I do remember threatening to pull over various times, actually pulling over once (to feed the baby) and having the CHP come over to see if we were ok (apparently you’re not supposed to feed babies on the side of the freeway, so he waited till we were done) and bribing Samantha and Sacha with promises of going to the candy store at the Stoneridge Mall if they behaved. Nothing worked, but we did make it there alive. When we got there, I put Samantha in the stroller (I only had the single, not the double), loaded Adam up on the Ergo (like a Baby Bjorn) and dragged, physically dragged, Sacha, kicking and screaming, into the mall, because he wanted so badly to sit in the stroller so bad, but could not because, obviously his sister was in her pajamas and had no shoes.

Does this sound crazy yet? Because that’s not even the crazy part.

So, we get to the blessed BabyGap, finally, but not before I stop to get Sacha a bageldog to pacify him. I made sure to ask Samantha if she wanted one, she did not.

Enter BabyGap. Samantha wants a bageldog. NOW. Tries to take Sacha’s. Sacha defends his bageldog. Samantha starts taking it anyhow, Sacha cries. I reprimand Samantha (well, I was the whole time this was occuring, only now more seriously), she gives the bageldog back. At which point Sacha feels like sharing and then offers the bageldog. Argh.

Try to start looking around- am there to try to find swimsuits for our upcoming vacation- am a woman on a mission, commence swimsuit search!

Baby starts getting fussy in the carrier. Lucky for me, I can secretly nurse the baby whilst carrying him in this wonderful new contraption! Yay for modern inventions. Unbutton shirt, latch Adam on, he dreamily leans into me, begins getting his fill, I continue the hunt for swimsuit perfection.

Samantha and Sacha abandon the bageldog situation. Begin to play hide and seek in the racks and chase each other around the store. Unfortunately, every time they jump out from their hiding place, they run into someone. I am doing a lot of “Oh, sorry!” “Sach!” “Samantha- stay INSIDE the store!” (bear in mind, she is in her PJ’s, I was trying to relegate her to the stroller, but that worked for about 30 seconds)

Am having great success with the shopping nonetheless, and it’s not super crowded there, which is great. Still, having to chase them back into the store, prevent the stroller from blocking aisles (at this point they are pushing each other around in the stroller), and escort them to the bathroom, which inevitably they have to use EVERY SINGLE time we have ever come into this store.

Bathroom visit complete, quick, successful, ok- terrific. Sam and Sach go back to pushing each other around in stroller, this time arguing over who will be IN the stroller. I try to negotiate who should be in the stroller, it sounds like it’s cool that Samantha sits there, so I go continue looking around. Next thing I know, I look over, and Samantha, sitting in the stroller is swatting at Sacha like crazy, while he is grabbing her hair/swatting at her....full-blown fighting... grrrrr!!! I break it up, and say- “We are ALMOST done guys! Please behave and you’ll get ONE treat!” (bear in mind, this excursion to BabyGap has only been about 10 minutes long at this point...MAX) They calm down. Back to playing nicely and racing around the store in their stroller.

THEN, they remember the “stage”. Ugh. Whoever designed BabyGap did NOT envision kids accompanying their mothers on their shopping trips. Because if they did, there is no WAY they would have made the storefront; the place where they put mannequins and their model clothes, to be set on a “stage” about 2 feet off the ground, and about 5 feet deep. It is absolutely exactly a child’s height to climb onto, faces everyone in the mall, and there are awesome mannequins to play with. This is my kids’ favorite place to play- they go up there and run around the mannequins, dance and make faces at the mall shoppers, and JUMP there because it resonates quite loudly as the “stage” is hollow. They also like to jump from the stage to the store, which lands them in front of people.

At ANY rate- the people who work at BabyGap know me from coming in there, and it’s not because I go there all that often. I KNOW that they don’t like the kids up on the “stage”, so I try to nip it in the bud as soon as I see them eyeing it. I was at the back of the store when they first saw it, changing Adam to feed on the other side, still in the carrier. Knowing that the store clerk would approach them if I do not do it immediately, I run/hobble across the store with Adam (hard to run with the Ergo). And as I’m running over, I catch the eye of a Mom who definitely does not look empathetic to my evidently hectic situation, and then I see her husband is with her, and he sees me, and then he turns around and leaves the store. (Really, was just walking in, turned around and left) I get to the kids- in a hushed whisper “Get down please. Get DOWN! Get DOWN guys! No candy store!” I lean over to grab Sacha to get him down- look down at my quiet, happy baby, and see why the not-so-empathetic looks from the wife, and why the husband walking back out of the store. Let’s just say... the Ergo didn’t provide as much coverage feeding Adam as I would have hoped for. (Oh well! Come on! It’s a baby clothes store! Right??)

They were all calm for a little bit after that. It’s like they realized that there was nothing else they could take on there. Or maybe they realized they would not get their treat if there were any more antics. Whatever it was, we had a little peace for a bit.
We found a swimsuit (and some really cute summer clothes, by the way, they have great stuff right now...) paid, and left. Loaded Sam back in the stroller, took Sacha by the hand, and headed out to get the kids their treat. I realized it looked like somewhat of a sight (but not TOO crazed- my friends with 4 kids can attest that it’s really not THAT bad with 3)- with Samantha in her purple footy pajamas, bedhead and now worse bedhead after the rumble with Sach, Sacha walking so close to the stroller I would run over his foot every 5 feet or so, and Adam checking the whole scene out from his position on my chest.

But I took a deep breath, looked straight ahead, and as we made our way, I thought to myself- if there is anyone in this mall looking at me and judging what’s going on with my brood right now- either- 1. They don’t have kids, and so don’t know what the craziness is all about, and also don’t realize that it may look crazy to them, but to us, it is normal! or 2. Have kids that are super calm and well behaved, and never, ever go out in public with their pajamas. Well, not sure what to say to the latter. That is great! maybe? We like to have a crazy day here and there people! Keeps life interesting.

My Payback

(Above pic- me, sister S, brother D and Mom)

"Vamos a ver como van a ser tus ninos...."- my grandma, Lalita, would tell me, in a warning tone, when I was little and acting up, throwing tantrums or just plain not listening. Translated: "Let's see what your kids are going to be like!!"

The reason she mentioned this every so often was because I was somewhat of a bossy kid. OK- bossy, picky, prone to temper tantrums if my socks were not just so, and bouncing off the walls with energy. I can imagine that my reaction to this statement might have been to laugh- thinking it would be FUNNY to see what my kids will be like, and to see if they are anything like I was, as a child. Well, I now know. Lalita had a good feeling that my kids might have a temperament like mine, and boy, she didn't even know how right on she was.
At the young age of 4.5, Samantha is the "boss" already. She speaks authoritatively, tells her brother(s) what to do and when to do it, and where to go and what to say. She talks them into getting in trouble for her, and sits back and watches while the punishment is doled out to the brother, till she feels too guilty and confesses her role in the trouble-making. She knows what she wants, and if you tell her no to a request, she finds 456 different ways of asking/pleading/researching methods to figure out a way to get what she wants. She tries my patience daily, and yet I cannot help but know, full well, that I am just getting what my Lalita always said I would get: Payback.
Even as a little girl, being the oldest of 5, I was the boss just by virtue of birth order. And by virtue of my personality, I was a good, very effective boss. Or at least I thought so. My sister S got the brunt of my bossiness. I had my own room for a little while, and at age 8, I would turn on the record player, full-blast, (La Bamba soundtrack, of course) and dance like a maniac, by myself. My sister would hear me having fun in there and would knock on the door until I authorized her entry, and then asked if she could hang out. I then would tell her that if she wanted to stay, she would have to sit in the corner and watch me dance. (I cringe just thinking about how wrong/embarrassing this is now...) And guess what- she would!

We would host lemonade stands regularly, and I would have her do the work with me and pay her a pittance, maybe 10% of what we made, or something absurd like that. I was the boss, and I made the rules (again, cringing, just writing this= how wrong!).

I also ran a business of washing jelly shoes- my only customer was really my sister, S. I would tell her that her shoes were dirty and that she had to pay me .50 cents for each pair she wanted to wash. She would go and ask our Mom for .50 cents and bring it back to me along with the jelly shoes, every few days, so that I could wash them for her and give them back, perfectly clean and sparking. I'm sure she could have washed them herself for free, but she let me run my business, and kept it afloat with the constant upkeep I told her that her jelly shoes required.

I always insisted on sitting in the front seat of our VW bus (yellow, of course), insisted on choosing which movie/nintendo game we would rent, would drag my sister S with me to lay out on the beach for 5-8 hours a day in the summer till her poor porcelain skin was RED and ablaze from the sun.

From what I have heard, I would refuse to go to preschool if my socks did not fit me just right, or if the seams of my pants bothered me. I wouldn't wear jeans for years because I could never find a pair that I liked enough. If my Mom did my hair with a single bump in the ponytail/braid, I would tear it out, yelling and stomping my feet, and insist she start over. I would then turn around and do my sisters’ hair- in any style I felt was appropriate for that day, and they let me and they loved it.

So it’s no big wonder for me where Samantha got her innate sense of being the “boss” from. Her strong personality and her immediate instinct to take control of a situation is so familiar to me, I feel like I know her every feeling without even needing to ask. What’s hard is- BEING the boss now (Moms are bosses, right? At least we try to be...) and having a little mini boss in training, trying to rule the roost: On way to school- “Mom- here’s the deal. So today- I go to school, you go home and work. You come pick Sacha and I up, and we go to Toy’s R Us. You buy us some guitarras (guitars) and some drums and we are starting a band. We’ll practice on the hill by our school, and you can pick us up when we’re done. Call the Sophias’, Zachary, Ella, Kalena, Angelina and Annabel and ask their Moms to drop them off at the band practice today, k?” ---All said with SUCH for-sure confidence, and such creativity that you can’t help but laugh and then think that maybe I SHOULD go out and buy her the band equipment.

As tough as it is to deal with a strong personality like this at times- to be the parent of a little girl like this and to see the potential, and the strong woman she can become by grooming this personality is a very amazing experience. I see every day how she is willing and wanting to take on more and more responsibility- “Mom, let me give Adam a bath- I can hold him, I promise!” or takes on my role: “OK Sach, time to turn the TV off now, 5 minutes is up!” "Mom, maybe if I eat all my dinner, we can have a treat after?" "We didn't brush our teeth- Sach- get in the bathroom!"
And when she gets dressed in the morningtime, and I have to hunt for just the right pair of socks for that day- because really- each day is different and some socks work on some days, but not on others----- I completely remember what my Mom and Lalita would say about me being so finicky and bossy about my socks. Then I take a deep breath, and dig to the bottom of the sock pile and bring up 2-3 different pairs to see which one will work for Samantha on this day. And when I find one that works, she is so happy, and so grateful, and it is hard to feel anything but pleased...And I think that she is going to grow up to be a woman who knows just what she wants...and that she will always figure out how she is going to get it.

So- I am getting what Lalita predicted I would- the ultimate payback- raising a daughter with as much hutzpah as I had, and then some. I would not trade this payback for the world. And seeing what these little personality traits will make up years from now--witnessing, assisting, grooming, teaching...I cannot think of a more rewarding experience than this. Parenthood, and the payback, as frustrating and trying as it can be, is truly amazing.

The Demise of Denise Lane

Last week I had one of the most monumental closings of my career. It was not the most expensive house, it was not the trickiest deal. It was the LONGEST deal I have ever worked on....I closed escrow on a short sale that I had been working on in Lafayette for almost exactly THREE YEARS. Yes, you read that right: 3 YEARS!!!! You might know what a short sale is: a homeowner is underwater with the loan on their house, they want to sell, but it isn't worth what they owe on it. They list it for sale, find a buyer, and hope that the bank will take the buyer's offer and forgive the Seller the remaining balance on the loan. Unfortunately, banks were not so very equipped to deal with the landslide of short sales that have ensued in the past 3-4 years....so the process is a little, shall we say...RUSTY????

The poor folks that bought this house were both janitors- a couple with three kids. They owned a home in Concord, and were swindled into buying this home in Lafayette by a shady Mortgage Broker/Realtor who convinced them that they could afford a $900k house for ONLY $500 more a month than they were paying to live in Concord. (LIES!!!) Sweet deal!- they thought. Of course we'll do it!---- Fast forward 1 year into their new life in their new beautiful home...life is great until they go out to get the mail and their Mortgage bill from Countrywide tells them that their monthly Mortgage Payment has just DOUBLED! And just like that, their beautiful life in Lafayette was gone, and they moved right back into their old home, which they were just getting ready to sell. (yes, they were actually carrying two homes/loans somehow) And they needed to sell fast.

At that point, (early 2007) the real estate market had tanked, and their $900k house wasn't worth $900k, $800k, or even $700k. It sold, finally, after 3 years, for $625,000. Mostly because the grueling process with the bank took SOOO long, the various buyers that had bid on this home did not want to hang in there as long as our last buyers did (1 year and 4 months- that is how long the buyers waited to finally move into this house- can you imagine the patience???!).

So, after going through 3 different buyers, getting the short sale approved with the bank 3 different times, we finally, finally, put this deal to bed last week. It was one of those deals that I never thought I'd actually see the end of because there were so many hang-ups...and to see it close gave me hope for almost any impossible-seeming deal out there, and gave me a wonderful sense of closure...finally.

That poor house on Denise Lane that sat empty for 3 years is now being lovingly cared for (much to the neighbors' glee, you can imagine!) and the new owners- I'm sure -feel like they got a heck of a deal thanks to their patience and hanging in there with the bank.

It is rare that a deal takes this long- though short sales do take 3-6 months/1 year, not unusual...but just to describe to people this deal that took THREE years....seems almost unbelievable...but is true. Very glad to be done with it, and very glad it is off my radar so I can focus on my other clients!!

I'm here for the ghost.

True story.
I am a tremendous fan of the website freecycle.
If you haven't heard of it already, it's a site where you can post anything and everything that you don't want or want to get rid of, and folks line up to come and pick it up from your house. It is an awesome website, and keeps stuff out of the dumps, and recycles things until they have absolutely no life left. I literally post at least 1 item a week on here, usually two.

This week one of the items I posted up for grabs was an old Halloween light-up ghost. It is 3 feet tall, you plug it in, and it lights up. It's white and has a scary face and its' face (black) ran a little bit into the ghost's whiteness when it rained one year, so I don't really want it anymore, and put it up on freecycle.

A girl wrote me an email within an hour of posting it: "I love Halloween stuff! I'll take it"- "Cool, it's yours-here is my address, I'll leave it on the porch". So, I kinda forgot about it, and forgot to leave it on the porch, and I went to work. I stopped by a clients' house, and intended to only be there for 10 minutes, but ended up staying for two hours! Time flew!

During that two hours, my nanny was at home with two of the kids. Now, envision the following: I am gone, did not leave light-up Halloween ghost on the front porch, as promised to freecycler. V- Nanny- has no clue I am leaving anything out for anyone (my bad, I know).

Freecycler comes to door: Knock knock- "Hi, I'm here for the ghost"
V (Nanny)- "Uh, um, I am not sure what you are talking about"
Freecycler: "The ghost. That you're giving away..."
V (Nanny)- kind of laughing, puzzled "I thought I saw a ghost in the garage, but I'm not sure if we're giving it away..." "I don't live here"
Freecycler: "It's ok, don't worry about it.

I swear, I have been cracking myself up about this scenario since it occurred last night.
Ha!

Showing Homes with Kids: not as bad as you'd think...

I started selling homes/working in Real Estate 8 years ago. I was not married yet, I did not have kids. The luxurious days of taking my clients out in my pristine (nearly brand new) car at that time were busy busy busy, that was a crazy time in the market, but I learned a lot, I loved it, and the days flew by. And flew by and flew by. And today- I am married, and have 3 little beautiful kids to care for in addition to managing the day to day needs of my Real Estate career. I debated for about 5 minutes staying home when I had my daughter, and realized that going out and coming back to her made me a better Mommy- which is great for us all. So, to remain a good Mommy, and a good Realtor, it can be a juggle. That- is a tremendous understatement.
Today I went out to show a home to a friend/client of mine. I had seen the house earlier in the day with my son, Adam, during the Broker's Tour. Adam is 7 months old, and extremely portable as he is incredibly polite, mild-mannered and of course, cute. Broker's Tour, for those of you that haven't heard of it- is like a party that your Realtor throws for your house, catered and all (at least, they serve some food!) when your home is first introduced to the market. You put a listing (house) on the MLS, you serve fabulous food, you announce it to everyone- and just like that, Realtors from near and far come to feast on your food and check out your new listing to see if they have a buyer for it. I love Broker's Tour because it is a leisurely way of seeing the new homes that hit the market, there is great food, and I run into a lot of Realtor friends of mine that might work for other companies that I haven't seen in a while.

So.....I digress. Saw this house with Adam this morning. AMAZING HOUSE. Call my client, insist that she see it ASAP. 35 minutes later, she calls me, she is free to see it now- she does have 2 of her kids with her, but that's totally fine- Broker's Tour is open to EVERYONE! That's what's so great about it!! I am excited to show her the house, so even though I have all THREE of my kids with me, I dash over to the house from the bank where we were currently playing peek-a-boo with a random teller and with the camera that films you while you are in line.

I know the listing agent well. He has 4 kids of his own, so he doesn't bat an eye when we enter the house with 5 children. Yay for him!

So- this is how it would have gone if both my client and I were there, sans kids....

Me: "Hi! So glad you could make it so quickly! Let's check this place out!"
We walk around, I point out how cool the open kitchen/family room is, we both admire the amazing pool/backyard, we ooh and ahh over the living room that would make the best playroom ever, we ask the listing agent when they are taking offers, and we skidaddle.
My client: "Wow, I really like that house! Have to show the husband! Will call you later. Bye!"

And....here's how it goes if you happen to have 5 children with you: ages 4.5, 4.5, 3, 2.5 and 7 months.
Me: "Hi! Oh, good! So glad you have 2 of yours, so that they can entertain my 2!"

Client: "Love it already. Kid 2! Stay away from the pool!"

Me: "Great! Wait till you see the...Samantha!! Keep your shoes on!"

Client: "What's this? A storage shed?"

Me: "Looks like a storage shed, that would make an awesome playhouse" (oh why did I say that??)

Every child that can speak:
"I WANT TO SEE THE PLAYHOUSE!!! LIFT ME UP TO SEE THE PLAYHOUSE!!!!"

Client: "Let's go to the other side of the yard" (We began in the yard, that's what you do when you have kids that only really care about the yard of a house- you start with the yard)
"Kid 2 and Kid 3!!!! Don't hang from the net!"

Me, shifting very quiet, very serene- thank God Thank GOD- Adam- on my hip, all the while: "OK, we should see the house! Kids: we are going inside!"

Client: "OK kids- let's go see your new house!"

Meanwhile- the kids are running around/running amuck as if this is their first time in the civilized world. Shoes are off, shoelaces are untiled, sleeves are soaked from dangling their arms into the pool. Crumbs are spread through kitchen from feast from the Broker's Tour.

Various Kids of ours:
"Mom, I have to go to the bathroom!" "I don't want to use that bathroom, it has a spider!!" "Mom, stay right next to the bathroom so that I can hear your voice!" "Is this my room?" "Hide! HIDE!!" "Do you hear me? I'm an airplane!!" "Lookit! A closet!" (to hide in) "I want to go outside again!" "I'm hot, I want my shirt off!"

Followed by myself and my client:
"Keep your clothes on!" "Keep your shirt on." "Yes, this can be your room" "Please stay inside" "Guys, don't run out the front door" "Please stay next to me" "Go find your shoes!" "Ok, let's find a bathroom without a spider in it" "No, we cannot play balancing on the tiny wall between the spa and the pool!"

Me: "I'm going to go ask the listing agent what the status of the house is"

Client: "Ok, I'll keep the kids at bay!"

...............................In all....................................
Successful!!! Just a different kind of successful than the successful of 8 years ago. If I were to have thought that I was busy 8 years ago with the insanity of the "hot market" and 15 offers on every single house/condo/townhome/shack/ out there, I would have surely keeled over if I were to catch a glimpse of what my future held. But you know what? Driving home from that slightly chaotic(and I do mean slightly, that was EXCELLENT, even ask my client, the kids were BEHAVED!) showing, I was not even the tiniest bit ruffled/stressed or tired. It is amazing what you can adjust to. Instead of tired, I felt thankful...that I had a job that enabled me to see my kids, even in the chaos, and thankful that they are able to see their Mommy working too. But now....I am TIRED!! Still thankful. But tired. Good night!

Where is my new Spanish Mary Poppins???

I lost my nanny. She was fabulous. Unbelievably loving and creative. And she found another job.

Before I had any kids, when I was newly pregnant with my 1st, I deliriously believed that this baby wouldn’t change the way that I worked, how I worked, when I worked, and that I would just tote the lovely new being around with me for the rest of time. I told myself that when she grew to want to crawl, or walk or do projects, I would put her in daycare and go back to my old work life. Well, my first baby girl took over my world, and shook it upside down and made me question what in the hell I was thinking when I was pregnant. I went over 2 years without having any help outside of my Mother-in-Law and my husband- who would watch her when I showed homes in the evening. I was so attached to her, and she to me, that I could not even fathom leaving her with anyone other than my MIL or Ed.

So, when Sam started preschool at 2 (and I’d given birth to our 2nd, Sach, by now), I was pretty tired. Her preschool teachers were a dream, and she took to preschool fabulously, and after the 1st 2 weeks of fuss, got over it and hugged and snuggled with her teachers like they were her long lost tias (aunts in Spanish, it’s a Spanish preschool). I was so happy for her to like where she was going every day, and super happy for the bit of freedom that it afforded me to hang out with, and to work, with just my lovely quiet newborn son.

A few months into preschool, I realized that if I was going to keep seriously working, I would have to get some help in the afternoons too- I needed more time to get things done- 3 mornings a week just wasn’t cutting it. So I asked Sam’s beloved teacher, G- one of the most loving, warm, nurturing women I’d ever met—if she knew of anyone that might be able to help me watch the kids a few afternoons a week. In Spanish, she replied “I can help you. When?” I nearly fainted on the spot from feeling so overwhelmed by luck and gratitude. She started that week and was with us, 2, 3, sometimes 4 afternoons a week--for 2.5 years- until last month (December).

G was, IS, THE Spanish Mary Poppins. She was awesome. The woman could, in the course of 2 hours, 3 or 4 hours, it didn’t matter how long…engage my kids, entertain them, teach them morals, how to behave, manners, perfect Spanish, do projects with them, fold their clothes in their room, put it away, clean my kitchen, mop my floors, vacuum my carpet, take them outside to play in the sand, cook them dinner, feed them dinner, and if we were running late- gave them a bath, put them in their PJ’s, brushed their teeth and combed their hair. And the best part? They LOVED her. I never once heard her yell at them. (And I could hear quite a bit, because I was at home working from my home office much of the time) As exasperating as my kids would be, she would very much stay even-keel and ask Sam to apologize to Sach, and would offer the occasional small treat at the end of the day if they listened. She would work with them for days before holidays like Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, Christmas or Halloween to make special projects for us- cute decorated boxes with photos on them for Ed, oven mitts that they sewed and decorated with their names and designs for me. To say that this woman was thoughtful and took pride in watching my children would be the understatement of the year. She was THE quintessential Spanish Mary Poppins, doing everything perfectly, happily, and helping our family run perfectly.

So….when G came back after Christmas break last month, for the first time to watch the kids after having been gone from us for over 2 weeks, I was ready to hug her and so happy to see her. But unfortunately, as I was feeding the baby in the baby glider, and the kids were entertained by some awesome project she had devised (she makes her own playdough and lets them add the colors! Hello!) she came in the baby’s room to talk to me. I could tell by the look on her face that it was not going to be a talk I wanted to hear.

“Madeesa”- she started- and wringing her hands, went on to tell me that she would no longer be able to help me out with the kids. She had gotten a job as a social worker, which she had been aspiring to for a while, and she would start…tomorrow!!! Wow. I was so shocked I barely knew what to say. Mechanically, I told her that I was so happy for her, I knew that it was what she’d been wanting to do for a while, good for her, not to worry, I would find someone else….please! don’t feel bad! Because it was clear that she felt very bad. I told her we would be fine, I would start looking right away, I was super happy for her, don’t even worry about it.

So, she walked out of the room to be with the kids, I stayed behind in the glider feeling the after-effects of what she had just told me. Um, if she didn’t come, then……who would watch my kids??? Where would I find someone who would watch my kids, love my kids, do projects with my kids, fold my clothes, not even balk when my baby spits up all over her?? Nowhere. That’s where. I cried.

I spent the month of January looking for a replacement. I didn’t think it would be so hard, with so many people out of work right now. Didn’t want to just place a random ad on Craigslist, so I started with local places that I knew: Emailed every woman on my email address list, Put an ad up at Saint Mary’s College- on the job board- where Ed and I had gone to school, and put the word out at my kids’ preschool- with the teachers there…did they know anyone??

No one seemed to know of anyone good. Or the good ones were snatched up immediately. Argh! My Mother-in-Law, Mom, and Ed helped out all month and we made it through. We finally found 2 women to interview- 1 was Ana- a 55 year old woman who watched my kids ping-pong around the room like rubber balls at 5pm, over the top of her glasses and told me that she really enjoyed drawing with kids. WRONG.

Then we interviewed V- she was young, she didn’t have kids, she was absolutely bubbly, spoke Spanish and was full of energy. My kids took to her almost right away, and after 15 minutes of being “interviewed”, I hired her, and my Sam had told her that she “loved her”. Thank God.

Only thing is- V- is not G. Hard for me to grasp. V isn’t a teacher, and her goal in life is not to work with kids or be a teacher either…so I don’t think she really had any idea just HOW much patience my kids would require. This became painfully evident today.
I was headed out to show some houses this afternoon. I had driven away from the house, the car stopped working (Ugh, car issues: a whole nother subject…) so drove quickly home to get another car to meet client, and to pick up lockbox key. Urgent, fast, in big hurry. I ran in the house. The kids go beserk when they see me again- Mommy!!! Mommy!!!! You’re HOME!! ---As if I’d been on the Mayflower on a 3 month pilgrimage, not that I just drove up the street and came back--- “Yes guys- Mommy is home, but only for one quick sec, and I have to go RIGHT back out.” I don’t think they heard this part. Because they ran after me, both barefoot, Samantha climbing on TOP of the car to stop me from going, Sach prying his hands to the steering wheel and crying hysterically. Actually, both were crying hysterically, as if I were leaving them with a masked maniac, not a nice new lady.

Samantha demanded another kiss, and this time a hug, and before I could say Noooooooooo in slow motion like they do in the movies- because her hands/arms/body were COVERED in “finger paint”, she hugged me and placed very green handprints on my back/butt and then on my belly as she grabbed for me not to leave. OH WHY!???

V all the while was trying, God Bless her, to desperately grab Sach and Samanatha at once- (it is nearly IMPOSSIBLE to grab ONE of them when they are in this state) and to speak to them calmly and not lose her cool, which I sensed was very close to being lost. She looked at my kids incredulous- her look said: This is NOT what I signed up for!!! WTH??? And nothing she said or did managed to calm my kids short of grabbing one in each arm, each one writhing to the best of their body's capability to get away from her- and dragged them inside.

Met my client, she actually somewhat liked the house, which is great. She didn’t say a word about my finger paint, which was very kind.

When I paid V tonight, I told her- Congratulations- you survived the week! And instead of a dismissive remark stating what a joy my kids were, or how it hadn't been that bad...she pumped her fist in the air and half-helled WOOHOO!!!!
I could tell she saw it as surviving as well and was glad to be going home.

And when she left, I looked around- the house was a wreck, but at least the kids were happy. I had told V not to worry about cleaning anything as long as the kids were entertained, and that was what had occurred. Which was fine. Except that at the end of the day, when I was done with my work, I now had a house to clean up and dinner to make…..not what I would have had with our dear G there. So today especially, I am mourning the loss of our G. As I was putting Sam to sleep, she said to me: Mommy- can you ask G to come back instead of V? What am I going to say?

Alas, need to re-start the search for the next Spanish Mary Poppins….I hope she is out there!!

(My kids...they need someone with a lot of creative, nice, loving ways to get them down from situations like this...)

Looking at Houses with the Prius....

Ed (my husband) just got a Prius. He drives a LOT for work, and this car has the best mileage around. I am a big fan of the car- FOR HIM- it gets amazing mileage, saves $$ on gas, and is super green- yay for that. It is a totally futuristic car- to me, at least. It has a screen that shows you: climate control, radio stations/volume, almost everything. It looks minute from the outside but is actually very spacious on the inside. So- my car is still in the shop, and yesterday, he was trying to sell his (old) car, the Volvo. So when I went to head out to take some clients out looking at homes yesterday AM, he asked if I could take the Prius rather than the Volvo, as he had someone coming to look at the Volvo.

Ok, no biggie, right?
YIKES!! I am really a creature of habit. Very used to having GPS, used to driving a regular car that doesn’t feel like a Jetson-mobile. Was a little freaked out, to be honest.

(What the Prius feels like to me)

So I had to MAPQUEST directions to the homes we were going to see, oh, 5 minutes before I was supposed to leave to meet up with my clients.
OK, got that done, got the directions, ready to go.

Now, driving the Prius is another story altogether.
As I inserted the key (which is more like a pod-type thing, than a key) into the car, and Hit the reverse lever, the car did not reverse out of our driveway. The kids are surrounding the car chanting “Bye Mama!” “Love you Mama!” “Miss you Mama!” and I am shouting back the same thing, also trying to get this future-vehicle to reverse. 9 minutes to get to Martinez, still have not reversed out of the driveway- AACCCK!! Freaking, just a bit. Ed is holding the baby, in front of the car, trying to give me directions on what to do, while keeping the kids out of the street.
Finally- get the car in reverse- whew!- and as I’m backing out, Ed starts blowing and encouraging the kids to blow to get the car to go. (He makes fun of it because the car is so darned light and runs on barely anything, that it practically could be moved just from someone blowing on it. So this is kind of annoying cause I’m in a rush, kinda funny)

I’m off. Meet my clients, Mapquest directions work, thank the Lord. The house, however, I don’t think does. Great, awesome, beautiful new house, beautiful pool, no backyard besides that- and my clients want a backyard.

On to the next one- from the front, the house is scary, practically growing bushes between the steps to the front door, overgrown, to say the last. House inside is ok, randomly updated, crazy circular sitting area around firepit- very 70’s hippie-party like, awesome backyard with pool, koy pond, outdoor shower, spa. So, backyard is great, inside, not as great.

Last house- brand new house, built on a hillside in Martinez. Gorgeous house, amidst other, not-as-gorgeous houses, small hilly backyard overlooking someone else’s very cluttered backyard. Not a fit.

Get back into the car, try to start the car, cannot start the car. Am parked on hillside, and all this Jane Jetson car wants to do is stay in Neutral- AAACK! Hit brake, hit brake. Keep trying to put car in drive, call Ed, no answer, try car again, get random message on electronic screen on computer- yes, there is a screen that gives you messages- how straight out of 2050, yes??- that says: cannot put car in drive. Yes, I can see that car, thanks a lot, but Please go in drive!!! I need to go home and take care of kids so that Ed can meet people to sell his Volvo! Put car in PARK, take deep breath. Re-insert pod-key into car, hit DRIVE lever, and Wa-La! Works. Thank. Goodness.

So, managed to make it work, but without GPS and without knowing how to completely drive this future-car, it was a bit stressful. I am really hoping that they can finish fixing my car this week. I miss you MDX -with super-intuitive navigational system, the seat formed to fit me perfectly, my fav radio stations programmed in and the most perfect spot to put my leg up on the door while I drive.

The Child Divider

Since my car went kaput nearly 3 weeks ago, I have been driving my brood around in my husband’s car- a Volvo S80 sedan. He just got a Prius, is trying to sell the Volvo, which I am driving around until I get my car fixed. So- the seating arrangement in my SUV was tight with our 3 kids all in carseats, but in the Volvo it is so tight you can barely shut the door. This, in itself, would not be such a big issue for me, if I did not also have to deal with the loss of our CHILD DIVIDER.

Let me explain.

This Summer, after our son Adam arrived, we went from having two carseats in the backseat of my Acura MDX to three. The order in the backseat was: Adam (baby) on one side, Samantha (4) in middle, Sacha (2) on other side. We thought this seating order would work well because Samantha could take care of Adam (insert binky in mouth, let me know if he is sleeping or not…) and it would prevent Sacha from sticking his fingers in the baby’s mouth/nose, etc. The arrangement actually did work for maybe a week or so. They thought it was super fun to have so many people in the backseat, and to be able to sit right next to each other. It wasn’t long, however, before Samantha and Sacha began to bicker over every single toy/juice/snack the other one had (even if they had the same one: “He has MORE THAN ME!!!!”) and the out-and-out backseat wars began.

I am not talking about just screaming, screeching, crying wars…. I am talking pinching, hitting, throwing and shoving wars. There were days when, driving them from preschool to their swim class, and back home again, I would have to drive while simultaneously holding on to Sacha’s arm to prevent him from pinching Samantha, or try to hold his arm and leg at once (quite difficult, I might add) in order to prevent pinching and kicking at the same time. This was not fun. But I didn’t have much of a choice- I had to drive them around, and didn’t want to get another car with a better seat layout just yet. My car had a lot of miles on it, it was already messed up from the kids, and I wanted to “drive it into the ground”.

However, the backseat debauchery reached a boiling point one weekend in August when my little sister, Christy, offered to come with me to take the 3 kids to the beach. Adam was only a month old, and I was a little nervous about hauling him and the other two, all the way out to Capitola, a 2 hour drive each way, and spending the day there with them by myself- without anyone drowning. She was a gem for coming, and I know she had absolutely no idea what she was getting herself into.

I went prepared- I had those yummy Madeline cookies from Starbucks, 2 sippys full of milk, another 2 full of juice. We had more snacks than Costco, wipes, towels, and good music- the perfect recipe for a painless trip.

But of course, after about 40 minutes on the road, the pinching began- “Don’t put your ARM ON MY SEAT!!”- “He’s pinching MEEEEEE!!!”- “SAAAAAACHAAAAAA!!!”------Christy and I, for the remainder of the trip to the beach, had to each hold one child’s arm and leg to prevent them from attacking each other like ferocious kitties. I am not exaggerating even a little bit. We actually held onto them for a good hour+.

We finally made it to Capitola. Somehow. We spent the day there- a stressful, awesome, fun, hot and crazy day at the beach. All 3 kids survived, I will spare you the details of what it took to make that happen. Suffice to say, that by the end of the day, Sacha was SO tired that we placed him on the top of a 4-foot pile of beach towels/bags/equipment, which we were hauling on a wagon, and he slept like a zombie, with no idea where he was. (Sam and Sach looking like ideal siblings that never bicker....trickers!) (too bad I didn’t have a picture of the wagon scene, it was something else)

Unfortunately, as soon as we got to the car, Sacha woke up. The ride home was one of the longest drives I’ve ever endured. Instead of driving home, I nearly drove to a car dealership to buy another car that seated my kids as far away from each other as possible. After 2.5 hours of being stuck in traffic, stop and go, stop and go, kids clawing/screaming/throwing/kicking….I turned around quickly to see whose leg was kicking the seat, and when I turned back around, I was inches from the car in front of me: BRAAAAAKE!!!!!! My heart jumped out of my chest, and the stress that had been building up from the previous 2+ hour, painful drive, all came out- I started crying. I cannot do this anymore!! So- I called Ed, told him I was heading to a car dealership, and he told me- “Give me an hour tomorrow, and I’ll try to solve the problem”.

Fast forward to the next morning. (We all managed to survive the rest of the drive home, by the way.) Ed holes himself up in the garage while I keep the kids out of the garage. I hear sawing. He asks me for a couple of baby blankets. He silently works away on the solution to the most frustrating problem of our life at that time. “MarIIIIssssaaaa……come take a loooook!” I come out- and he has constructed the solution: THE CHILD DIVIDER!!!! It is a “divider” -intended to go between the kids' carseats- made out of 2 pieces of plywood, glued together, about 2.5 feet tall and wide, rounded edges on all the sides, with baby blankets wrapped and glued/stapled around the entire thing to make it soft and childproof. And it is brilliant.

Ed put Samantha and Sacha into their car seats, inserted the Child Divider, and took a test drive. He came back-“They don’t even know the other one is there!!” Amazing. Worked better than we ever could have wished or imagined. And until my car decided to kick the bucket on Dec. 28th, it was my life vest in the Bermuda Triangle better known as: DRIVING WITH 3 KIDS. So now, for the past 3 weeks, I have been missing my child divider terribly -to say the last-and appreciating it very much.

Tomorrow, I get my car back, and I get the Child Divider back too. And hopefully, my sanity will return with it. ;)

I did want to write one other note on the Real Estate side of my life….I went out with a great couple this weekend- looking for their first home. We saw a few decent ones and then one really great one that they loved. What I find funny is that- at the house that they liked- there was an Open House. The Realtor holding it Open was super friendly, talking to baby Adam, asking us how we were, pointing out the backyard, etc. My clients were pretty openly saying how much they liked it, what they liked, etc. And at the very end, before we are going to leave: the Realtor tells me it is her own house! Just thought it was kinda funny because it was like she just wanted to be sure not to tell us up front so that we could be candid about our feelings about the house. Usually people don’t hold their own houses open, or if they do- they tell you so that you can ask them any questions about their house. Sneaky lady!

At any rate- they did not find their dream house on this outing, but they have plenty of time. They were total troopers too- got a flat tire in the rain- fixed it- and kept on with the house search. That’s first time buyer excitement for you! Love it!

Dreary Day

So, like the rest of everyone in Contra Costa County, I was awestruck by the incredible thunder and lighting show today. I love nothing more than a good storm, and this was the first time my kids had seen the lighting & thunder. They loved it.

Wish I could say that I enjoyed an awesome day watching it all, but I had not so great of a day. Tried to unearth my desk from the to-do lists, baby gifts to send out, returned phone calls and did some work. Working with a sinus and ear infection, so wasn't feeling so hot to top it off.

I needed a little cheering up tonight and searched online for some inspiration.

I found it.

Here are some great quotes that I came across that I posted above my desk to make the gray days seem a little less gray.
This picture of Sacha looking up at me after he was ice skating this winter also inspires me- reminds me that there is someone looking up to me.



Hope this can help you out if you are having a gray day too. :)
...................................................................................
Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain.

When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.

If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.

He conquers who endures.

People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them.

Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.

There is no telling how many miles you will have to run while chasing a dream.

Don't be discouraged. It's often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock.

A baby is born with a need to be loved - and never outgrows it.

I learned the real meaning of love. Love is absolute loyalty. People fade, looks fade, but loyalty never fades. You can depend so much on certain people, you can set your watch by them. And that's love, even if it doesn't seem very exciting.

The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands.

We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.

The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost.

To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world

It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself.

Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.

If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I'd finger-paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.

Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.

I WENT RUNNING!!

I went running for the 1st time today in 14 months. MAN did I need that. I have been building up steam from being nanny-less and without my car for a week and a half, and that run was just about the best thing I could have done.
Had a super good song mix that I made for Ed when he runs, the night air felt so good and cool but not too cold that it hurt my ears (don't your ears hurt when you run in the cold?) and no one was out on the trail. It was so nice to be alone. I only went 3 miles, but I didn't stop, and my legs feel so sore in the best way right now. Super glad I did it.

It is a little bit of an experiment to see if I can do it. I have run after having had my other 2 babies, but only when they were a little older (9 or 10 months) and with Adam still so young & being breast-fed exclusively (well, until tomorrow), the running does a number on my milk production. At least it did when I tried it when the other two were young babies. So- we shall see if it does this time too. I am determined to try to lose some of these baby LBS that are getting really old. We are going to Maui in late April and my goal (we will see how realistic it is!) is to lose 20 lbs by then. Can't cut back a ton on the food, as I (I'm sure you can see a lot of my life revolves around this) will cut back on the milk for Adam too. Soooooooo....I am going to try, but not going to kill myself doing it.

Adam had his 6 month Dr. appt. today and got the green light to start solids- hitting up Whole Foods tomorrow for some baby food!!! Exciting, and should be a fun sight to watch his reaction to anything other than milk!

Update on my other children: Samantha and Sacha are currently OBSESSED with their newfound mobility courtesy of Santa: Barbie Scooter for Samantha, Batman Hot Wheels for Sach. They LITERALLY spend at least 3 hours a day "scootering" and "bike-riding" in our driveway/neighborhood. And this is because I have to LIMIT it to 3 hours a day because I have to take care of Adam too! I love that they love their new vehicles so much- I remember being really crazy about my Hot Wheels and bike when I was their age too.

Meeting up with a new client on Friday, very excited to start helping he and his wife with the search for their first home. :)

It's kinda like holding a bomb

Holding a baby that's upset in a restaurant, that is.
Went out to ChaChaCha's with my sisters for dinner tonight. Sweet baby boy Adam was an absolute angel to the extent that complete strangers were coming up and oogling and googling over him. The music was playing loud, people were everywhere, funny lights, Christmas wreaths, fun things to look at, an array of different people to look at, outfits of every sort- he was in a sound and vision ZOO!! And my sweet boy, he watched, smiled, and absorbed while we waited 45 minutes for a table. (the place is AWESOME, of course there's a wait, any night you go there- well worth it though)

We sat down, and not 5 minutes later, he let loose and let us know how much he had been bothered by loudness/overwhelming feeling of having too much, too many people, too many sights, not enough Mama holding. For an hour (maybe longer??)- we took turns carrying Adam, or I would carry Adam and my sisters would feed me. The "carry" would have to be gentle, with his head nestled in my shoulder, and me lightly rocking from one leg to the other, no jerkiness at all. My sisters would feed me bites as I leaned over ever so precariously as to not rouse him from his comfy position on my shoulder. At one point, my sister asked if she could carry him- and I said: "Ok- but...it's kinda like you're holding a bomb" -- Meaning, there was a VERY special way you had to hold him to make sure he didn't LOSE IT. They did a great job- they took turns taking him outside & enabled me to finish the rest of my meal and even have a little sangria.

Thanks for a good night ladies. :)

The Last Time we make the Left Turn in to the Hospital????

Today is my beautiful baby boy Adam’s 6 month birthday. I can scarcely believe that 6 whole months have passed, and I look at his long little body and feel like he grew this big just overnight. He is still only nursing for now, and come Tuesday, when I get the thumbs up from his pediatrician…he will be starting solids. This makes me feel a teeny bit relieved but mostly sad. Sad that this may be the last baby that is only supported by me and my body, and not food of the outside world. Sad that my baby will not only be relying on me and me alone. Totally selfish, I know, but I have a right to it. He may be my last baby after all!!

When Adam was born on July 9th of this year, he was a teeny bit of a surprise. (his arrival, not his conception) He was 11 days early. It was a hot summer morning, I had just opened my eyes and the kids had both run into the bedroom to say good morning. As I snuggled with my daughter, Samantha, at 7:30 A.M. -my water broke! I knew what it was instantly, as it had happened when I went into labor with Samantha as well. So exciting!! I yelled across the house: “Ed!! My water broke!!!” (He was in the kitchen making breakfast) He thought I was just kidding, and then once he finally believed me, was ecstatic. And the kids were thrilled they’d finally get to meet the new baby too. So, I call my Doctor, she let me know to leisurely make my way to the hospital, and we got the kids ready for school.

Took the kids to school, (Ed is driving, of course) and realized that I would not be eating anytime soon if I was headed to the hospital…so we made a pit stop at Jamba Juice. (still having contractions, all the while, and wrapped in a beach towel) Realized I forgot my purse at home, stopped BACK at home, and then, finally….headed to the hospital (it was 10:15am by this point). I'd been through this routine before, so I wasn't in a tremendous rush to get to the hospital- the contractions weren't that bad yet, and I was enjoying the morning with Ed and the kids.

So- we’re sitting at the light on Ygnacio Valley Road, the road that turns into the hospital, waiting to make a left-hand turn…and Ed looks at me and says: “Do you realize that this might be the last time we make this left-hand turn?”

I don’t think any statement has ever made me cry so instantly. I burst into tears (hello! I was already emotional!) and was both excited and saddened by the thought.

He then backtracked and said “Maybe not! Maybe not!” But I knew that it could be the truth, and it made me really, really sad to think that it might be the last time we make that INCREDIBLY exciting left-hand turn into John Muir Hospital, anxiously and excitedly awaiting the arrival of our new baby, not knowing whether it was a girl or a boy (we didn’t know any of the 3 times). Knowing that once we turn into the hospital and check in, our lives will never be the same again. Nothing in life beats that surprise, and nothing in life can compare to the instant flood of love/emotion/happiness that comes with the very moment your baby is born and the 2-3 days you spend bonding and getting to know your new incredible baby all by yourself with your husband. So that…is part of the reason that I was so emotional. (Aside from the fact that I was in labor, just a tad hormonal.)

I also just always thought I would have 4 kids. Coming from 5, with all the chaos and insanity and fun and games, I assumed I would have my own large brood as well. Three, to me, just felt, well, not as big as what I had expected to have.

After we brought Adam home, and I realized what the reality of having 3 kids was like, it was not so far-fetched to think that 3 might be good. That to spread my attention between 3 kids was just enough. That one more might be too chaotic. It was constant craziness that 1st month we brought Adam home, with Samantha and Sacha clamoring for our attention every waking moment. They doted on the baby and looked forward to seeing his eyes open and talking to him. Seeing them all together made me so happy that I’d had a 3rd, but also made me think that dividing the attention with another one might be a little tricky. The case for the 4th is not closed yet- I would LOOOOOve a sister for Samantha...and we just may have another one, we may adopt one, we may stay where we are and be super happy with our 3. We’re just kinda playing it by ear.

But right now, tonight---I look at my darling, beautiful, mellow, good-natured brown-eyed Adam and enjoy every second that I have with him- whether or not he is my last baby. I baked a cake for his 6 month birthday tonight, Samantha and Sacha could barely wait for it to be finished, they were turning on the oven light every chance they got. And when I see them come back from the oven and do a little dance and shake Adam’s hands, and sing Happy Birthday to him, I am so happy.


Addy and his Daddy :)

Paperbackswap.com and the New Mom

I used to be a reader….before I had kids. I could read for hours…days. I would not even care if television existed or not- I could spend every free moment reading every book in sight. As a kid, I would hole myself up in my room, under a table, behind the couch- until my Dad finally would finally find me and say (My Dad, by the way, is from Yugoslavia, thus the very thick accent I am trying to convey here- think Arnold Schwartnegger, but not so gruff) “Eet’s time to pick de walnuts!!” (We lived on a farm. In the middle of LA. -San Fernando Valley) We had dozens of Walnut trees, and my Dad loved walnuts. And if we looked like we were wasting even a little bit of time, and my reading books must have looked like wasting a lot of time….it was: “Ghet eh bag! Walnuts!!!” ARGH.

So when I moved out, and began life away from home, I read constantly, voraciously. After having kids, to say that my reading time became more limited would be like saying that prisoners in jail just do not get enough time to shop at the mall. No, they most certainly do not. So now, any time that I have to read, I do. (those few minutes before I crash at night) I have a stack of magazines dating back to Spring of 2009 that are still waiting for me. And any time I find a book that looks good, I write the title down immediately so that I do not forget (my awful memory will become quite evident here).

Given my love of books and reading- I was ecstatic when I found this website…maybe you’ve heard of it….maybe you haven’t- and if you haven’t—go and check it out this very second before YOU forget! www.paperbackswap.com . It is ONLY the best idea anyone has ever come up with!!!! Hello! You read a book, you finish it, it sits around. Here, you can mail it to someone else to read. And they mail you their books! You can make a list of all the books you want, and put up a wish-list for any books you are looking for. It’s like having an online, free (minus the shipping) library that you can do in the middle of the night or whenever you think of it. Plus, it saves the earth- we recycle our books rather than letting them sit on our shelves hoping that we will read them again. BEST. IDEA. EVER. I’m a big fan.
SOOOO…..there IS a reason I am writing about this, I swear.

Today, I just sent someone a copy of my book: The Working Mother’s Guide to Life. Pretty big title, sounds like it could be very helpful to someone. Not sure what I expected to get out of this book. Maybe I thought it would give me the big secret to juggling work and a baby (at that time I only had one, Samantha). Maybe it would help me find the time to get the sleep I so desperately needed. Maybe it would give me the magic recipes that I now needed to cook everything from scratch for my new magical baby, work and still take care of my baby all at once!!!! Alas. It did not. It told me everything I already knew: Delegate what you can (how much can you really delegate when you are a new Mommy and run your own business?) , Rest whenever you can (um, is this in minute-increments?? My 1st baby had colic), and make time for yourself (ha. ha.-as in, time for myself to fold laundry, pay the bills, shower??….I see.) At any rate, the book gave me no new revelations, and I shelved it in the closet along with the few other books that were of no use to me any longer.

After I posted this book to give to some other new Mama reader on Paperbackswap.com, I got a response almost right away from Emily in Virginia Beach, VA. So I sent her the book today, and I kind of felt like writing to new Mom Emily -a little note to go along with the book. One that might tell her a little bit more about having babies and having a job, and staying sane than this book will. The note would give a few bits of important advice that would not overwhelm her exhausted, surely overworked, new mother mind. I figure a quick note with bullets would be easier to absorb and slightly less daunting than the 2.5 inch think: “Working Mother’s Guide to Life”.

Hi Emily- Thanks for requesting this book from me. I am assuming you are a new Mom. If you are not, disregard. If you are, I would like to offer you the teensiest bit of advice on raising a baby and working at the same time. This is a thick book, and if you do not have time to read it, or if it does you no good- maybe some words from another Mom on the other side of the country might help. Good luck to you and enjoy your new baby. Here goes:

1. Make a list of all the things that MUST be done in order for your house to run. It should look something like this: feed baby, change baby, pay bills, wash clothes, put clothes away in right areas, take garbage out, get food at market, clean countertops (I know, seems frivolous, but nothing puts me over the edge like dirty, crumb-y countertops). Then sit down with your husband and make sure that he is doing at least half the things on this list. If he is not- put his name next to the items you want him to do and ask him to help you!

2. On the days you are not working, sleep, sleep, sleep. Sleep some more. Sleep with your baby whenever have the opportunity. Sleep until you are drunk from sleep. Let everything else in the house go and just REST. You will remember this and treasure it on the days you have to leave early and work.

3. If the juggle with the baby and your job seems too much, ask your boss (if you have a boss) to cut you some slack. Can you work 3 days instead of 5? 4? 3.5??? Can you work from home? Even 1 day a week? Sometimes there are ways to adjust your schedule, even just for a little while.

4. Do NOT feel bad if you don’t want to do your job anymore and just want to stay home with the baby. Some people weren’t that into their jobs in the first place and then they fall in love with this amazing creature they just created and the job is more of a drag than rewarding in any way. NOTE: VERY IMPORTANT!! MAKE SURE YOU CAN AFFORD THIS OPTION AND TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND BEFORE YOUR QUIT YOUR JOB!

5. Find some new Mommy friends. Join a playgroup. If you don’t like the playgroup you found, join another one. Keep reaching out until you connect with some like-minded Mommy friends that you can converse with, share anxieties with, lament over the loss of your figure/sleep/favorite jeans together. This will come in very handy because after getting so little sleep, your words will come out jumbled, and these ladies will actually understand your new language. They might become amazing friends too, and one day you will all laugh when you look back at all your crazy, hazy days and spit-up covered outfits in photos.

6. Enjoy both times- time with your baby, and time working. That is- if you love your job, or even like your job. Obviously you know what is wonderful about your new baby (or you will know, Emily), but try to remember what is great about your job- try to find joy in it. If you can, it will make it much more gratifying and actually relieving sometimes to come in to work and have a productive day vs. being super sad about leaving your baby.

7. Do not compare yourself to any other Mother. Not your own Mother, not Heidi Klum, not Octomom. Know that you are doing the best you can, for yourself, and for your baby. Every other Mommy is doing the best she can for her family, and has her own share of happy times, hard times and headaches as well.

8. Figure everything else out as you go. Everyone has a different way of doing the juggle. And don’t feel jealous of the Mommies that stay at home with their babies. That is more of a full-time job than you going off to work and coming home to your baby, trust me. The Mommy Wars do not exist anymore, so just try to be happy with your lot in life and trust that you will instinctually know what to do to juggle the balance of loving and raising your child and having a productive job.

That’s it! Just a short list. :)
Good luck Emily!
~Marisa

My first day

Oh!- I am a little nervous! I have been intending to do this blog business for a year now? Since today I have more items on my to-do list than I have probably ever had in my life, I figure it is a good day to shove the to-do list under the pile of photos that I have to sort and just start this darned blog!

So- what IS on my to-do list you ask?
First, I have to get a car. Yes, as in, buy a new vehicle. ARGH. Not a fun task when you don't think you are going to have to buy a car for a while...I had an awesome Acura MDX which I've had since 2001. My baby, my first new car. My license plate says ZUMAGRL, for Zuma Beach, my favorite beach in LA that I would visit with great frequency during/after school, Summer...when I was in high school. After I moved up to Northern CA, there was no beach anywhere close by, and certainly no beach like Zuma, so I got the license plate to remind myself of it. Problem is- I got it when I was 24, single, and childless. ZUMAGRL fit the bill! Now, I am 32, married, and have THREE kids. Not really a girl, and my Zuma days feel so far behind me I can barely remember them. (this is the truth, I have a terrible memory) So, when I get that new car, I will have to think of a better, more appropriate license plate to have. I love personalized license plates but it is so tricky to find the right one!!! CoxClan? (too tribal, no?) Cox 5? (what if we have more kids???)Coxes? (lame) Cox RE (Real Estate- but how many people will GET that???) AT ANY RATE- you can see why I have not changed my license plate yet- too much thought/effort, and not enough time to properly come up with a good one! So, I still have ZUMAGRL. Well, HAD ZUMAGRL. (boohoo...) OK, enough about ZUMAGRL. Onto WHY I need a new car.

The Short story: Drove up to Tahoe last week for vacation with the kids- the packing took 3 days. I am not exagerrating. ZUMAGRL was packed to the GILLS and our kids could barely move in their carseats. By the time we hit Auburn, California (an hour and a half away) we had already stopped 7-8 times. We stopped in Auburn, on the side of the freeway, so that I could switch spots with my husbannd- I was carsick and needed to drive. In switching seats, my daughter, Samantha, threw a terrible tantrum. Tried to calm her down for 10 minutes, finally get in the car to get going- put my pedal to the metal and the metal goes... down to the ground and the car goes...nowhere. Oh, goodness. To be stuck in Auburn, California with more clothes in our car than in our house, with 1 baby that needs to eat and 2 toddlers that are sick of being in the car. (I swear this IS the short version) So- my transmission is shot. We rent a car (the LAST TRUCK in the local vicinity) and get up to Tahoe after a NINE hour drive. Painful is a very mild way of putting how our voyage felt.

So, I've spent the past 2 days figuring out what SUV I want to get, I haven't given in to getting a mini-van yet, though my husband would be happy to.

On the work front- I received a phone call this morning from the son of an awesome client of mine- he is looking to buy a house, and I am super duper excited to help him, as I've worked with his father and brother and if he is as cool as they are, it should be fun. I just sold a condo that I had on the market in Walnut Creek yesterday, after 10 days on the market- over by the Pleasant Hill BART Station. And I am helping another of my past clients close on a new house either tomorrow or the next day....busy, but very good week. No frustrations on the work front, only good stuff, so...v good way to start the 1st week of the new year.

On the kid front- Sach (my 2.5 year old son) (Real name Sacha, pronounced Sasha, Russian, though we are not, we just really loved the name, and he fits it perfectly) is sick, green boogers and all, lethargic, taking a nap right now. Adam (my nearly 6 month old son) is still sniffly. Samantha seems sniffly still but not sick, just adjusting to going back to preschool after a 2 week hiatus.

Goals for the week: 1. Try to get at least 1 work out in. 2. Find a damned car!!!