(Julie & sweet baby L)
In the past few months, there has been a lot of online chatter (and real world chatter) re. Sheryl Sandberg's Book, Lean In. The book's main idea is: if you're a Mom, or thinking of becoming a Mom, don't derail your career by automatically assuming that you will not be able to manage both Motherhood and a career. She discusses how women anticipate taking years off from working before they even have kids, and instead of reaching for their professional goals and dreams, they reel in their dreams or stop thinking about them, because they can't fathom being able to lead a fulfilling work life and properly take care of/raise children. Basically, Sheryl urges women: Find what you love to do! Have kids! See about finding an arrangement that works for you! Part time? Taking a year off? Work from home in afternoons? Get CREATIVE! The more women we have working and moving up in the workforce, the more likely it is that it will be EASIER for Moms to work because women in power can/will change the old school status quo and make work life more do-able for mothers. (flex hours, longer maternity leave, in-house day care, etc)
The entire book spoke to me so intensely, I underlined almost every line on every page.
As a professional woman with a career that I have thoroughly enjoyed for the past 12 years, I went through pregnancy with my first child, almost 10 years ago, with the thought process of "Ok, I'll have this baby, and then I'll find someone to help me take care of him/her, and I'll get back to work!"
Lo and behold, when Samantha was born, in May of 2005...I spent the first couple of months crying endlessly at the idea of leaving her for a second. Within days of having her, I'd started bringing her with me into the office to write up contracts late at night, and she began accompanying me to show homes. What started out as me delaying getting help with caring for her, turned into me bringing her with me/taking care of her for the first year of her life, while also working/taking care of my clients. I didn't plan on doing it this way, but honestly, being as torn as I was to spend every second with my baby, and still keep the job that I truly enjoyed, it was the only thing I could think to do.
My first year as a working Mother was a hell of a lot more work than I thought it would be...but it also meant that I got to be with my baby 24/7, which was the only way I would have it at that point. After Samantha turned one and was verbal/walking, it got harder, and I sacked up and got some babysitting help in the form of my Mother-in-Law.
By the time my second came, I knew that it would be possible to have my brain work, and to maintain the closeness with my baby that I had with the first. I was thrilled that I'd figured out a way to do this, and also brought him with me everywhere, left him with my husband to write up a contract, but other than that- he was my little pal, with me always.
My third and fourth babies were the same- brought them with me everywhere. Don't get me wrong- I definitely endured horrors such as: hiding the fact that my baby had poop up his back while I showed a house for half an hour... showed up to my OB's house with a week old baby and horrible thrush when we were looking for a new house for her soon-to-be-ex: (she diagnosed me on the spot!), showed homes by quickly opening house doors and making a mad dash to the car to nurse a baby who was tired of waiting for me. It was a crazy juggle sometimes- but other times pure bliss- a slow open house with just me and a baby who was starting to learn to crawl? Amazing alone time that I would never have had at home with the whole brood there.
We found nannies and fired them, we went through the nanny who let my 1st paint the 2nd blue with nail polish from head to toe, one who showed up with a shaved head because she had gotten lice from her kids, one who bathed my kids in ice cold water and gave me attitude when I questioned what was going on... Finally struck upon the idea of having an Au Pair- which worked for us because we needed someone with flexible hours, who could be here when I needed to dash out and show a house/pick a kid up from soccer. It's not a permanent solution, but eventually all our kids will be in school, and there will be a large block of hours where I can get things done.
In the 4 years that I brought my baby with me (the first year of each of their life), I had ONE person complain about it -a single man, who felt weird about me breast-feeding next to him as we wrote up the contract, with my first child. Lesson learned- I left babies at home when it was contract time. But aside from this person, I got only kudos for bringing my babies, people smiling and happy to see a real person juggling real life and a job, Moms excited to get a few minutes with a newborn, and clients with kids so excited to see/hold the baby. It was a happy solution to bring my baby to work- I never thought twice about it from the minute that I started doing it. I was able to continue to do the job that I loved, and spend the attachment time that I wanted with my baby during his/her first year.
Not saying that this is possible for every Mom, as of course, every job is different. But what I am trying to say is- that sometimes the way that you think things "should" be done, prior to having kids, or even once you have them, isn't necessarily the only way to do them. I will always feel proud of my decision to not quit my job in those first couple of months of having my first child, when it was really hard and I was struggling with the idea of either leaving her, or working. I am proud that I didn't quit it after my second, when I was struck with postpartum depression, had bought a complete and utter fixer of a house where we were living in only one room for 3 months with 2 babies, and just getting up in the morning made me want to cry. My husband at that point joined me in Real Estate for a couple of years, and we did the juggle together- by the time our third was born, he was back at his old job, and I was back at it on my own. I would never have anticipated that as a solution, but it worked for us, at the time.
Continuing to work has required endless creativity in regards to having kids/life/downtime/a career. The juggle is constant, but because I enjoy what I do, and truly feel like it feeds who I am, the juggle can be done happily. Even now- Ed and I are like track runners passing kids off like a baton- he met me tonight at guitar practice for the kids, I gave him the low-down on how far I'd gotten in the dinner-making, and ran off to a meeting, and he finished up guitar with the kids, went home and made dinner/fed the kids. I drive home from my meeting, feeling light and happy for just having met with another nice, funny client, with a new challenge in front of me to sell their home. My job makes me happy, my kids make me happy, I am elated to have found a way to have kids, SPEND TIME with my kids, and continue with my career.
Likewise, my Broker, Julie D (pictured in the top pic), just recently had her fourth as well. Julie and I went to Saint Mary's together, she sold us our first home, and when I started in real estate a year later, she trained me and I've worked for her company, Dudum Real Estate Group, for almost 3 years now. The picture I took of Julie above is an immediate throwback to me of every first year of my baby's life- when I had a baby right in front of me, and a pile of work/computer on the other side.
Julie was a top agent in our area, she sold a multitude of homes and had a stellar reputation. Five years ago, she opened up her own company. Since then, she has been successfully running the fastest growing brokerage in our area for the past 5 years, and has given birth to 4 children in the past 6 years. Like me, she has brought her baby to work, dashes home to take a kid to swimming, pick another up from preschool. She pops a baby on to nurse and answers emails. Her brain still works, she is as smart as ever, and if I were to guess, I'd say everyone in our office respects her more for continuing on as a smart, savvy Broker, while still canoodling and caring for her new babies. Her love for both her babies and her career can cohabitate, and she knows, that it may be hard and extra sleep-less that first year, but the understanding of knowing you were there with your baby, and still kept your business running smoothly, is something to really be proud of.
The bottom line is this: Moms, pregnant soon-to-be-Moms...before you decide to drop your job, or do something really awesome in life (of course having kids and being a Mom is really awesome!!!), see if there is a way to make your job more flexible. See if there is working from home. See if you want to do something different altogether. Start your own company. Think outside the box, consider what would really make you happy in life, and try to see if it can still be done with a baby/child. If it can’t, stay home! It’s not for everyone, the crazy juggle. But the more we see Moms we see caring for their babies and children + still continuing on the work track + reaching for their dreams= , the easier it will be for us to NOT have to choose between being with our beloved babies and our own careers/professional dreams.
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