(Above pic- me, sister S, brother D and Mom)
"Vamos a ver como van a ser tus ninos...."- my grandma, Lalita, would tell me, in a warning tone, when I was little and acting up, throwing tantrums or just plain not listening. Translated: "Let's see what your kids are going to be like!!"
The reason she mentioned this every so often was because I was somewhat of a bossy kid. OK- bossy, picky, prone to temper tantrums if my socks were not just so, and bouncing off the walls with energy. I can imagine that my reaction to this statement might have been to laugh- thinking it would be FUNNY to see what my kids will be like, and to see if they are anything like I was, as a child. Well, I now know. Lalita had a good feeling that my kids might have a temperament like mine, and boy, she didn't even know how right on she was.
At the young age of 4.5, Samantha is the "boss" already. She speaks authoritatively, tells her brother(s) what to do and when to do it, and where to go and what to say. She talks them into getting in trouble for her, and sits back and watches while the punishment is doled out to the brother, till she feels too guilty and confesses her role in the trouble-making. She knows what she wants, and if you tell her no to a request, she finds 456 different ways of asking/pleading/researching methods to figure out a way to get what she wants. She tries my patience daily, and yet I cannot help but know, full well, that I am just getting what my Lalita always said I would get: Payback.
Even as a little girl, being the oldest of 5, I was the boss just by virtue of birth order. And by virtue of my personality, I was a good, very effective boss. Or at least I thought so. My sister S got the brunt of my bossiness. I had my own room for a little while, and at age 8, I would turn on the record player, full-blast, (La Bamba soundtrack, of course) and dance like a maniac, by myself. My sister would hear me having fun in there and would knock on the door until I authorized her entry, and then asked if she could hang out. I then would tell her that if she wanted to stay, she would have to sit in the corner and watch me dance. (I cringe just thinking about how wrong/embarrassing this is now...) And guess what- she would!
We would host lemonade stands regularly, and I would have her do the work with me and pay her a pittance, maybe 10% of what we made, or something absurd like that. I was the boss, and I made the rules (again, cringing, just writing this= how wrong!).
I also ran a business of washing jelly shoes- my only customer was really my sister, S. I would tell her that her shoes were dirty and that she had to pay me .50 cents for each pair she wanted to wash. She would go and ask our Mom for .50 cents and bring it back to me along with the jelly shoes, every few days, so that I could wash them for her and give them back, perfectly clean and sparking. I'm sure she could have washed them herself for free, but she let me run my business, and kept it afloat with the constant upkeep I told her that her jelly shoes required.
I always insisted on sitting in the front seat of our VW bus (yellow, of course), insisted on choosing which movie/nintendo game we would rent, would drag my sister S with me to lay out on the beach for 5-8 hours a day in the summer till her poor porcelain skin was RED and ablaze from the sun.
From what I have heard, I would refuse to go to preschool if my socks did not fit me just right, or if the seams of my pants bothered me. I wouldn't wear jeans for years because I could never find a pair that I liked enough. If my Mom did my hair with a single bump in the ponytail/braid, I would tear it out, yelling and stomping my feet, and insist she start over. I would then turn around and do my sisters’ hair- in any style I felt was appropriate for that day, and they let me and they loved it.
So it’s no big wonder for me where Samantha got her innate sense of being the “boss” from. Her strong personality and her immediate instinct to take control of a situation is so familiar to me, I feel like I know her every feeling without even needing to ask. What’s hard is- BEING the boss now (Moms are bosses, right? At least we try to be...) and having a little mini boss in training, trying to rule the roost: On way to school- “Mom- here’s the deal. So today- I go to school, you go home and work. You come pick Sacha and I up, and we go to Toy’s R Us. You buy us some guitarras (guitars) and some drums and we are starting a band. We’ll practice on the hill by our school, and you can pick us up when we’re done. Call the Sophias’, Zachary, Ella, Kalena, Angelina and Annabel and ask their Moms to drop them off at the band practice today, k?” ---All said with SUCH for-sure confidence, and such creativity that you can’t help but laugh and then think that maybe I SHOULD go out and buy her the band equipment.
As tough as it is to deal with a strong personality like this at times- to be the parent of a little girl like this and to see the potential, and the strong woman she can become by grooming this personality is a very amazing experience. I see every day how she is willing and wanting to take on more and more responsibility- “Mom, let me give Adam a bath- I can hold him, I promise!” or takes on my role: “OK Sach, time to turn the TV off now, 5 minutes is up!” "Mom, maybe if I eat all my dinner, we can have a treat after?" "We didn't brush our teeth- Sach- get in the bathroom!"
And when she gets dressed in the morningtime, and I have to hunt for just the right pair of socks for that day- because really- each day is different and some socks work on some days, but not on others----- I completely remember what my Mom and Lalita would say about me being so finicky and bossy about my socks. Then I take a deep breath, and dig to the bottom of the sock pile and bring up 2-3 different pairs to see which one will work for Samantha on this day. And when I find one that works, she is so happy, and so grateful, and it is hard to feel anything but pleased...And I think that she is going to grow up to be a woman who knows just what she wants...and that she will always figure out how she is going to get it.
So- I am getting what Lalita predicted I would- the ultimate payback- raising a daughter with as much hutzpah as I had, and then some. I would not trade this payback for the world. And seeing what these little personality traits will make up years from now--witnessing, assisting, grooming, teaching...I cannot think of a more rewarding experience than this. Parenthood, and the payback, as frustrating and trying as it can be, is truly amazing.
