I lost my nanny. She was fabulous. Unbelievably loving and creative. And she found another job.
Before I had any kids, when I was newly pregnant with my 1st, I deliriously believed that this baby wouldn’t change the way that I worked, how I worked, when I worked, and that I would just tote the lovely new being around with me for the rest of time. I told myself that when she grew to want to crawl, or walk or do projects, I would put her in daycare and go back to my old work life. Well, my first baby girl took over my world, and shook it upside down and made me question what in the hell I was thinking when I was pregnant. I went over 2 years without having any help outside of my Mother-in-Law and my husband- who would watch her when I showed homes in the evening. I was so attached to her, and she to me, that I could not even fathom leaving her with anyone other than my MIL or Ed.
So, when Sam started preschool at 2 (and I’d given birth to our 2nd, Sach, by now), I was pretty tired. Her preschool teachers were a dream, and she took to preschool fabulously, and after the 1st 2 weeks of fuss, got over it and hugged and snuggled with her teachers like they were her long lost tias (aunts in Spanish, it’s a Spanish preschool). I was so happy for her to like where she was going every day, and super happy for the bit of freedom that it afforded me to hang out with, and to work, with just my lovely quiet newborn son.
A few months into preschool, I realized that if I was going to keep seriously working, I would have to get some help in the afternoons too- I needed more time to get things done- 3 mornings a week just wasn’t cutting it. So I asked Sam’s beloved teacher, G- one of the most loving, warm, nurturing women I’d ever met—if she knew of anyone that might be able to help me watch the kids a few afternoons a week. In Spanish, she replied “I can help you. When?” I nearly fainted on the spot from feeling so overwhelmed by luck and gratitude. She started that week and was with us, 2, 3, sometimes 4 afternoons a week--for 2.5 years- until last month (December).
G was, IS, THE Spanish Mary Poppins. She was awesome. The woman could, in the course of 2 hours, 3 or 4 hours, it didn’t matter how long…engage my kids, entertain them, teach them morals, how to behave, manners, perfect Spanish, do projects with them, fold their clothes in their room, put it away, clean my kitchen, mop my floors, vacuum my carpet, take them outside to play in the sand, cook them dinner, feed them dinner, and if we were running late- gave them a bath, put them in their PJ’s, brushed their teeth and combed their hair. And the best part? They LOVED her. I never once heard her yell at them. (And I could hear quite a bit, because I was at home working from my home office much of the time) As exasperating as my kids would be, she would very much stay even-keel and ask Sam to apologize to Sach, and would offer the occasional small treat at the end of the day if they listened. She would work with them for days before holidays like Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, Christmas or Halloween to make special projects for us- cute decorated boxes with photos on them for Ed, oven mitts that they sewed and decorated with their names and designs for me. To say that this woman was thoughtful and took pride in watching my children would be the understatement of the year. She was THE quintessential Spanish Mary Poppins, doing everything perfectly, happily, and helping our family run perfectly.
So….when G came back after Christmas break last month, for the first time to watch the kids after having been gone from us for over 2 weeks, I was ready to hug her and so happy to see her. But unfortunately, as I was feeding the baby in the baby glider, and the kids were entertained by some awesome project she had devised (she makes her own playdough and lets them add the colors! Hello!) she came in the baby’s room to talk to me. I could tell by the look on her face that it was not going to be a talk I wanted to hear.
“Madeesa”- she started- and wringing her hands, went on to tell me that she would no longer be able to help me out with the kids. She had gotten a job as a social worker, which she had been aspiring to for a while, and she would start…tomorrow!!! Wow. I was so shocked I barely knew what to say. Mechanically, I told her that I was so happy for her, I knew that it was what she’d been wanting to do for a while, good for her, not to worry, I would find someone else….please! don’t feel bad! Because it was clear that she felt very bad. I told her we would be fine, I would start looking right away, I was super happy for her, don’t even worry about it.
So, she walked out of the room to be with the kids, I stayed behind in the glider feeling the after-effects of what she had just told me. Um, if she didn’t come, then……who would watch my kids??? Where would I find someone who would watch my kids, love my kids, do projects with my kids, fold my clothes, not even balk when my baby spits up all over her?? Nowhere. That’s where. I cried.
I spent the month of January looking for a replacement. I didn’t think it would be so hard, with so many people out of work right now. Didn’t want to just place a random ad on Craigslist, so I started with local places that I knew: Emailed every woman on my email address list, Put an ad up at Saint Mary’s College- on the job board- where Ed and I had gone to school, and put the word out at my kids’ preschool- with the teachers there…did they know anyone??
No one seemed to know of anyone good. Or the good ones were snatched up immediately. Argh! My Mother-in-Law, Mom, and Ed helped out all month and we made it through. We finally found 2 women to interview- 1 was Ana- a 55 year old woman who watched my kids ping-pong around the room like rubber balls at 5pm, over the top of her glasses and told me that she really enjoyed drawing with kids. WRONG.
Then we interviewed V- she was young, she didn’t have kids, she was absolutely bubbly, spoke Spanish and was full of energy. My kids took to her almost right away, and after 15 minutes of being “interviewed”, I hired her, and my Sam had told her that she “loved her”. Thank God.
Only thing is- V- is not G. Hard for me to grasp. V isn’t a teacher, and her goal in life is not to work with kids or be a teacher either…so I don’t think she really had any idea just HOW much patience my kids would require. This became painfully evident today.
I was headed out to show some houses this afternoon. I had driven away from the house, the car stopped working (Ugh, car issues: a whole nother subject…) so drove quickly home to get another car to meet client, and to pick up lockbox key. Urgent, fast, in big hurry. I ran in the house. The kids go beserk when they see me again- Mommy!!! Mommy!!!! You’re HOME!! ---As if I’d been on the Mayflower on a 3 month pilgrimage, not that I just drove up the street and came back--- “Yes guys- Mommy is home, but only for one quick sec, and I have to go RIGHT back out.” I don’t think they heard this part. Because they ran after me, both barefoot, Samantha climbing on TOP of the car to stop me from going, Sach prying his hands to the steering wheel and crying hysterically. Actually, both were crying hysterically, as if I were leaving them with a masked maniac, not a nice new lady.
Samantha demanded another kiss, and this time a hug, and before I could say Noooooooooo in slow motion like they do in the movies- because her hands/arms/body were COVERED in “finger paint”, she hugged me and placed very green handprints on my back/butt and then on my belly as she grabbed for me not to leave. OH WHY!???
V all the while was trying, God Bless her, to desperately grab Sach and Samanatha at once- (it is nearly IMPOSSIBLE to grab ONE of them when they are in this state) and to speak to them calmly and not lose her cool, which I sensed was very close to being lost. She looked at my kids incredulous- her look said: This is NOT what I signed up for!!! WTH??? And nothing she said or did managed to calm my kids short of grabbing one in each arm, each one writhing to the best of their body's capability to get away from her- and dragged them inside.
Met my client, she actually somewhat liked the house, which is great. She didn’t say a word about my finger paint, which was very kind.
When I paid V tonight, I told her- Congratulations- you survived the week! And instead of a dismissive remark stating what a joy my kids were, or how it hadn't been that bad...she pumped her fist in the air and half-helled WOOHOO!!!!
I could tell she saw it as surviving as well and was glad to be going home.
And when she left, I looked around- the house was a wreck, but at least the kids were happy. I had told V not to worry about cleaning anything as long as the kids were entertained, and that was what had occurred. Which was fine. Except that at the end of the day, when I was done with my work, I now had a house to clean up and dinner to make…..not what I would have had with our dear G there. So today especially, I am mourning the loss of our G. As I was putting Sam to sleep, she said to me: Mommy- can you ask G to come back instead of V? What am I going to say?
Alas, need to re-start the search for the next Spanish Mary Poppins….I hope she is out there!!
(My kids...they need someone with a lot of creative, nice, loving ways to get them down from situations like this...)
